Saturday, March 14, 2009


A Friend
I have a friend who held no secret from me. I know his failures, successes, fears and aspirations. One of those secrets is a dream that keeps recurring every now and then.

The Dream
The scene is always the same, a young couple in a room, the girl talking sweetly to the boy while all he does was look at her. The boy tried to talk but no word came out. The girl suddenly fades away. He was alarmed, looked everywhere but can’t find her and then he wakes up. It’s always like that, every time he has that particular dream.

The Girl in His Dream
She was a member of their university school newspaper. In fact both of them are. The first time they met, he felt something for her. He got lots of crushes but this one is different, she was his first love.

As months passed by, they became close and he even entertained the idea that there was an unspoken agreement between them. He assumed too much. When he found out that another guy became her boyfriend, he was devastated. He forfeits his newspaper scholarship, avoids the girl completely and concentrated on his study.

25 Years Later
I think he did well. He finished his studies, got a good-paying job and a happy family. Two lessons he learned from that experience… courage and perseverance. Courage to face the odds even when apprehension drenched his body in cold sweat and firmness to resolved problems at hand to its end. In other words, he learned not to be a quitter.

Looking From Afar
I read somewhere that dreams are subconscious’ abstract manifestation of real life experience. Some psychologists believe it can be “read” or interpreted. In my amateurish way, I think a tug-of-war was raging between his heart and brain. I can only think of two reasons why he didn’t express his feelings towards her. Maybe his too young to face his fear of rejection, afraid she might turn him down, and the reason why his “katorpehan” overcome him. It might also be his ambition of finishing his studies and getting a degree that drove him to suppress his emotional wants.

But it doesn’t really matter now how we dissect it. It happened in the past and it can’t be undone. Sometimes he thinks of what might have happened if it was the other way around. What if he told her he loves her, regardless if it ends up in rejection or acceptance? What if he pursued her and married her? Will it end up the way he is now? Too many “what ifs”, too many unanswered questions.

How he wished he could go back in the past and correct his mistakes, just like in that movie, “Somewhere in Time”. Perhaps by telling his story, he hopes in some way his nightmares will be reined. But I doubt it if he’ll find closure when sometimes he feels… regrets.


  1. By the time this post was published, his secret is not a secret, anymore! o",)

    Siguro ang tatlong words na "a happy family" sa '25 Years Later' ay hindi 100% totoo! May ibang babae kasi siyang napapanaginipan palagi. Pero teka, 'nightmare' naman ang description niya rito ah (final paragraph).

    Ipinaalala na naman sa akin ng post na itong hindi lang sa pag-ibig, kundi sa lahat ng bagay- palaging nasa huli ang pagsisisi.

    [Kaya sabi ng Desert Aquaforce: Carpe Diem!]

  2. I majored in Psychology and part of the curriculum pertained to Freud's interpretation of dreams. I partly believed him quoting that "dream is a wish fulfillment"..
    As I said, I only partly believed in Freud because like others, I mostly believed that dreams has certain fixed meanings such as dreaming of calm water, which means your dream is favorable while if you dream of murky water, then it means negative. A dream more often help us to improve our life and that's the beauty of it..

    If your friend still continue to experience recurring dreams about the girl of his past despite of having what you called a happy family right now, perhaps it is best to suggest him not to dwell on dreams anymore.. Let it go and don't think about it.

    What about believing in "soul mate" instead..? (Baka talagang hindi sila para sa isa't isa kaya tigilan na.. o ayan ha ;)

    This dream about the girl in his past would only make his life regretful and sad... :(

  3. How I wish I was Joseph the Dreamer to aid you in interpreting your friend's dream. But generally, the language of dream is symbolic and should not always be taken literally.

    After 25 years with a "happy family", there is no point of going back to the past, for there is no love lost at all, it could not be a dream but rather a "nightmares" that need him TO LET GO and move on with the reality of life.

  4. mamaya magpopost ako ulit ng comment ko kasi mahaba ito, for the meantime, I will greatly need your help sa aking Project TWITCH. I sent you an email as well as NEBZ and Magic at Dacz sana.Dito sa case po na ito, ang maghelp wala po talagang regret. :)

    Shokran po!

  5. "If only" are two saddest words in the world. If he did things and regretted, it can still be tempered by time but if he regretted for the things he did not do then....tsk tsk tsk...that is hard to console.

    Nuh...he's still in love with her but that door has closed and another door is widely open. This is dangerous as it brings regret by looking longer at the closed door and forgetting to see the "one" who has opened the new door.

    Pareng Vox, the post is well written with the metronome ticking more loudly as it draws to the end. Forget regret, or there will be a lot in life to miss!

  6. Everything has a reason. I mean, e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g-!

    And I believe that life has its own ways of right-ing things. If your friend and his first love are meant for each other, kahit matanda na sila, sila pa rin. But if not, then why be sorry for something that is not meant to be, db?

    If it's a consideration to your friend, lahat naman ng tao may mga regrets sa buhay. Tsaka oo nga naman, what's there to be regretful about when he already has a happy family? Unless of course, deep inside, he's not really happy.

  7. I am alarmed by the story when I read it last night. I believe as I was taught that in order to be happy, there should be sanctity before marriage and fidelity after. She should be his and his alone. He should be hers and hers alone. Somethings like the story you posted Sir Blogusvox could lead to infidelity because the guy might have the tendency to live with his dreams and forget and be insensitive towards his wife and kids.

    I have read and heard countless stories that dwelling on our dreams, the kind of girl, or woman we wanted to, and when time comes that our wife will not be as beautiful and as sexy like before, or nahihirapan na mag-ayos after living with us with patience and attending to our needs as well as those of the kids, man tends to look and admire other woman na mas sexy or maganda or bata.

    opps, nacarried away yata ako, hehe pero that's the reason why maraming broken hearts and marriages and families.

  8. RJ, you maybe right. His not 100% happy. Kasi every now and then pumapasok sa isipan nya yung girl.

    Ms.Loida, oo nga. It's not practical to dwell on something you can't have. Merong kasabihan na "make the best of what you got".

    Pope, as you and Ms.Loida have adviced, there is really no point in dreaming for something we cant achieve.

    NJ, sometimes some people are so blind that they can't see the good things in front of them. They keep on seeking something that isn't there.

    Nebz, I think korekek ka dyan. He may project a fullfilled man but subconciously, somethings lacking. Hmm... how many of us has this kind of skeleton in the closet?

    Kenjie, para kang pastor ah. Binigay mo na lahat ang posibleng "scenario" pag ang isang married guy e napatingin sa ibang babae. : )

    Gawain ko rin yan and my wife don't mind because she knows I only appreciate beauty.

  9. Another case of unfinished business. May (guy)friend akong almost ganyan ang case. Pareho na silang happily married nung girl. Unexpectedly nagmeet uli sila. I've witnessed kung panong kinilig uli sya. It turned out na super crush pala nila ang isa't isa (or qualified first love na).

    The nicest thing is although nandun yung kilig nila for each other, their love for their families was greater that they did not fall into temptations. As we reminded him many times, at least nasabi na nila yung gusto nilang sabihin. Wala ng unfinished business.

    I also have occasional strange dreams. Minsan repetitive. Most of the times I ignore na lang siguro result lang ng midnight snack before matulog. Haha. At least hindi bangungot. =)

  10. what he needs to do is to learn from it and leave anything else behind. im sure he'll find gold there but he has to leave all else. ideally.

  11. They say dreams are part of one's subconscious thinking so when you rest at night, the subconscious mind sometimes plays.

    On one hand, katorpehan or stage fright can be a cause of lifetime regret... There Comes a time when we must thicken our faces - easy to say but hard to do! Being basted is certainly better than asking what if for a lifetime :)

  12. Ms.Jo, uy, ingat ka sa mga midnight snack nayan. Eat something light. I read its one of the causes of "bangungot".

    donG, true, "move on" ika nga.

    bw, true, it's better to have told her his feelings and be "basted" than not to have told her at all. A lot of speculations sips in his mind because of that.

  13. sigh, lahat talaga tayo my mga regrets in the past na palagi natin binabalikan at tinatanong “Pano kaya kung..." "Ano kaya kung...", pero minsan ikaw narin lang ang sumagot ng tanong mo hahaha sa ikatatahimik na rin ng buhay.
    Ang galing mo talaga, yung mga topics mo nakakahila at unique palagi ha.