Kung walang P1 bilyon ang isang presidentiable, huwag na lang tumakbo. – Manny Villar
In these hard times, if I got a billion pesos, I’ll invest it on something tangible and where the rate of return is good… politics. I’ll run for president. And don’t tell me it will not guarantee that seat in Malacanyang. I knew somebody who got it for just P730 million.
How do I recoup my investment? First I’ll take my “share” from people’s vices like gambling. Gaming board’s earnings aren’t transparent enough to arouse suspicion. Lotto racket is another thing. With these computer gadgets available, it’s not difficult to know which combination is “likely” to “win”. To make sure, I’ll put that former Commissioner from the South as its head… his good with numbers. I’ll take my cut when the jackpot reaches more than a P100 million. And of course, another source of income from the provinces is that ubiquitous “huweting”.
Customs duties is another thing I’m going to take care. I’ll put “trusted” retired military officers in key positions so as to guarantee “smooth sailing” of merchandise of my business associates.
Construction projects sponsored by International Banks are “win-win” speculations. I’ll just ask my contractor friends to talk among themselves who should undertake what project. My only request is they add 100% on their bid to cover up future escalation of prices of construction materials.
I’ll be hard on logging and mining concessionaires. I’ll demand a 20% “over the top” fee from their proceeds incase they “forgot” to replenish what they have cut or “overlooked” to clean up mining spillage.
The rest of other good source of income, I’ll give to my underlings. They also need to provide for their families and expenses to pay. I’m not that greedy.
All in all, a monthly income of P50 million from all of these might be considered “chicken feed” by my predecessors. But I’m not a glutton like them. That’s P600 million for me in just a year and I’ve got 6 years to get back my capital. How much will my net profit be? You do the math.
Oh, by the way, don’t worry about our economy. We got the OFWs to take care of that!