Saturday, November 26, 2011

On Marriage


Foreword: Just in case my wife reads this; all anecdotes I told were work of fiction. Any similarity to people’s lives, both living and dead, was unintentional and purely coincidental. – BlogusVox

The Shrew
I love my wife and that’s my first mistake. But it’s not too late for you would-be-husbands out there. If you’re in love with your woman from head to toe – DON’T tell her you’ll love her till the end of infinity. The moment she knows, she’ll take advantage of you and exploit that weakness!

When we were younger, my wife’s “national pastime” was to irritate me to the max that I sometimes contemplate the idea of sending her back to her family. The only thing holding me back was the image of my departed father-in-law which keeps flashing in my mind. When my parents and I went to their residence to ask for my wife’s hand, her father wore this enigmatic half-grateful, half-relieved face. Later do I understood that his telling me in a subtly way – you asked for it, you got it. NO RETURN, NO EXCHANGE!

Wonder Woman
I believed my wife got “superpowers”. When I did something not to her liking, she simply looks at me and an invisible beam comes out of her eyes. It engulfed me, leaving me frozen - stone cold. The weird thing is it affects me but my daughter is immune to it. This leads me to suspect, maybe Bea got superpowers too. It’s not easy living among “X-men”.

I Don’t Have ESP
My wife got this nasty habit of leaving her sentences hanging on air. She’ll say something like: “Kunin mo nga yan…” (not looking but pointing her finger in space) or “Dalhin mo nga ang ano sa kwan…” But what really gets my goat is when she opens a conversation and in mid-sentence expects me to continue, like:

Wife: Totoo ba yung nangyari?
Me   : Nang ano?
Wife : Dun sa kumpare mo nung nakaraang linggo.
Me   : Anong nangyari kay Pare?
Wife: Ano ka ba! Kumpare mo yan, ikaw dapat ang nakaka-alam!

I’m a trained engineer. I deal with details and specifics. I’m not clairvoyant! I DON’T READ MINDS! Tell me what you want in a sentence that contains a subject and a predicate and I’ll comply!

When the conversation comes to this point, she’ll just look at me innocently and smiles knowingly, as if expecting this kind of reaction from someone “crazy”. And it’s true. That kind of “look” really drives me nuts! 

Read Between the Lines
When you received a text message or email from your wife that goes something like:

“Hon, if you’re not busy and you got time, please pass by the supermarket and buy the following…”

Remember, how ever polite and solicitous this maybe, it is NOT A REQUEST. It’s an ORDER! Discard whatever you previously planned and set this as your TOP PRIORITY. Prepare a valid reason if you miss one item from her list if you don’t want to be ZAP by her “laser-eye”.  

When shopping for something and she says: “Hon, anong gusto mo? Ito?”

She’s not asking your opinion. She already decided what to buy and all she wants is you concur. But be careful; don’t give your “nod” all the time. Find a way to distance yourself if things get “critical”. Let her decide alone because the moment something goes wrong with the merchandise - its YOUR FAULT, because YOU CHOOSE IT!

Marriage is teamwork. In order for it to work, both of you should have a “say” on any decision you both make. That means, when she “suggests” you “agree”.

Now that you know the difference between the sexes and you got your “pointers”, go out there and make her happy!

23 comments:

  1. I've never been married but I know these are things na nangyayari sa totoong buhay; well-written- I can feel the humour.

    Akala ko ang wife ang mag-submit sa husband, pero bakit sa post na 'to parang it's the other way around. So daunting.

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  2. i can feel the love you have for your wife. :-D ang swerte naman namin na magkaroon ng mga asawang mabait at mapagmahal he he

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  3. Akala ko ako lang ang nakakaranas nito. So true what you said. Tulad rin ito minsan na nakakita kami ng car accident. Abay, tanong ba sa akin kung paano nangyari na ganun ang naging itsura ng accident. As if na dapat alam ko... e sabay naman naming nakita yun.

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  4. RJ, ang pangako ng "bride" ay hanggang simbahan lang. paglabas doon panibagong "unwritten contract" naman ang pinirmahan mo.

    bing, member din ba ng "gang" ang asawa mo?

    Anonymous, tested and proven - pag asawa ang kausap, itapon ang logic at sense sa bintana.

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  5. Had my wife used used simple subject-verb (complete sentence) in our conversation, I should have had discussed some other things on the phone...
    Engineers write simply and it's complete.
    Now I know I'm not the only one dealing with specifics whenever I am talking to my wife...

    Engineers... specifications.

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  6. Olay, ang mrs ko ang daming paikot-ikot na sasabihin bago tutumbokin ang gusto. : (

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  7. Ang misis mo, parang ako! Nyahahah! I also leave conversations in midair, and i also pinpoint clothes and shirts for my husband, and i also order him to go to the grocery for something. In short, almost if not all, wives are like your wife! You should live with it. LOL

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  8. sheng, parang ganun nga. pareho ang psychological make-up ng mga babae pag nag asawa. : )

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  9. women rock my world, from my mom to my wife to my daughters. they rule. i have accepted it.

    dalawang babae lang naman ang talagang ayokong sanang pumayagpag: yung maraming sapatos at yung sinungaling na nagsasakit-sakitan.

    glad to found another one of those rare husbands. congrats. sana masaya kayo ngayon. ;)

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  10. beatburn, as you grow older, you learn to accept the inevitable. : )

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  11. sigurado ka bang fictional ang wife na tinutukoy mo o asawa mo talaga? hahaha natatakot ka lang sa kanya kasi baka mabasa niya hahaha, nagpaka Poncio Pilato ka pa e hehehe

    pero totoo yan mahilig din ako sa "ano" pero ginagamit din ng asawa ko yun "ano" na yan e at nagkakaintindihan na kami sa "ano" kaya pag nagkwentuhan kami ng ano nagtatawanan na lang kami LOL

    actually ang rule ko parang baliktad sa'yo:
    si mister magsa suggest, si misis ang final approval, kaya pwedeng mareject si mister lalo na pag kulang sa specs si mister dapat feasible mga suggestions nya bwahahaha

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  12. Sardz, anong baliktad doon? Sa akin, nasa una ang "final approval" at sa iyo nasa huli ang "final approval". Ganon pa rin yun. Kayo pa rin ang "final approval".

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  13. bwaahahahaha! pasensiya na, engineer. women were created without manuals. hahahaha!

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  14. atticus, kung may "blue print" e di sana nakita kaagad kung saan ang deperensya.

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  15. hahahahaha sumakit ang tiyan ko,diko pa natatapos yung pagbasa tinawag ko na sister ko basahin namin babay,kasi dun palang sa unang column naluluha nako kakatawa.
    yung "ano" "kwan" "si ano" totoo yun at pag di naisip nya kung anu yun dapat alam mo kung anung nsa isip nya hahahahaha.
    kami nung ex-hub ko iba naman ang case namin,although wala naman kaming pinag wayan at wala naman kaming pinagtatalunan, nagkasolian din hahahahaha.
    pero alam mo totoo yang mga tinuran mo,nakakarelate ako kasi yung sister ko ganyang ganyan kaya nga pinabasa ko kagad sa kanya e hahaha at sya din tawa ng tawa at itatanong pa kung totoo daw na ganun sya hahaha.
    pero alam mo tol,kami kasi pinalaki at ipinamulat ng nanay namin na ang lalaki talaga ang decision maker although hihingin nya ang opinion ng wife, not means yung opinion na nya masusunod,dapat pinagkakasunduan at balanse kaso nya...hahaha tawang tawa parin ako sayo bro.
    ~lee

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  16. lee, sa palagay ko lang, ang mga tipo ko ang "ideal husband" na hinahanap ng nakakaraming kababaehan. : D

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  17. totoo yun bro,kung gaya molang ang nakuha ko magpapakabait ako promise hahaha,kaya lang once in a million lang ang kagaya mo haha.
    ~lee

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  18. Ed, Palagay ko nahawa ka na kay Alice of Hulascoop.

    Natawa talaga ako sa post mo. As in tawa ako nang tawa -- starting with your foreword (na ang first reaction ko ay...weh?!).

    At lahat ng tinuran mo ay totoo. Nakakatawang katotohanan tungkol sa mga babae.

    Kahit sa bahay namin sa Pinas: ang tatay ko ang may last say pero ang nanay ko ang last, last say.

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  19. Nebz, on di "justified" lahat ang mga payo ko. Kahit wala kang asawa, alam mo kung sino ang nagdadala ng "posporo" ng tahanan. : D

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  20. sa aming household si misis ang may final say pero si mister ang suggestor :)

    si mister di makalakad/grocery pag di ako kasama :)

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  21. Photo Cache, bakit hindi makapag-grocery si mister na wala ka? Hindi sya marunong mamalengke? : )

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  22. lol.. that hanging in the air thing.. para bang sinasadyang mag guess work tayo at pag hindi mo nahulaan, kasalanan mo pa hehe :)

    kaya medyo ok rin ang live-in relationship para pag nabuwisit ang isa - maasalam ! au revoir ! arrividerci !

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  23. bw, sana ganun ang uso sa atin, ano. Me "trial period" muna kung compatible. Kung baga sa luto ay may "taste test" muna bago kainan. >: D

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