Thursday, March 05, 2009

If I’m a Billionaire

Kung walang P1 bilyon ang isang presidentiable, huwag na lang tumakbo. – Manny Villar

In these hard times, if I got a billion pesos, I’ll invest it on something tangible and where the rate of return is good… politics. I’ll run for president. And don’t tell me it will not guarantee that seat in Malacanyang. I knew somebody who got it for just P730 million.

How do I recoup my investment? First I’ll take my “share” from people’s vices like gambling. Gaming board’s earnings aren’t transparent enough to arouse suspicion. Lotto racket is another thing. With these computer gadgets available, it’s not difficult to know which combination is “likely” to “win”. To make sure, I’ll put that former Commissioner from the South as its head… his good with numbers. I’ll take my cut when the jackpot reaches more than a P100 million. And of course, another source of income from the provinces is that ubiquitous “huweting”.

Customs duties is another thing I’m going to take care. I’ll put “trusted” retired military officers in key positions so as to guarantee “smooth sailing” of merchandise of my business associates.

Construction projects sponsored by International Banks are “win-win” speculations. I’ll just ask my contractor friends to talk among themselves who should undertake what project. My only request is they add 100% on their bid to cover up future escalation of prices of construction materials.

I’ll be hard on logging and mining concessionaires. I’ll demand a 20% “over the top” fee from their proceeds incase they “forgot” to replenish what they have cut or “overlooked” to clean up mining spillage.

The rest of other good source of income, I’ll give to my underlings. They also need to provide for their families and expenses to pay. I’m not that greedy.

All in all, a monthly income of P50 million from all of these might be considered “chicken feed” by my predecessors. But I’m not a glutton like them. That’s P600 million for me in just a year and I’ve got 6 years to get back my capital. How much will my net profit be? You do the math.

Oh, by the way, don’t worry about our economy. We got the OFWs to take care of that!


  1. Huhmn... and before your 6-year term ends, are you considering cha-cha, as well? How about the computerization of elections and the counting of the votes?! I'm very interested to know your plans about these things, as well. Your answer will be my basis in deciding whether I'll register or not for an absentee voting for the 2010 elections. o",)

  2. Here in Korea politicians campaign expenses are all paid for by the government so only those who are qualified and have a credible party can participate the process and can spend only an amount required by law.The law is so strict that many politicians who won an election loses their seats once they find out they violated the election code (there is no holy cow here).So here even the candidate is poor but competent he or she will have an equal chance to get elected.The government budget in every election is big but the money they can save from greedy corrupt politicians is much bigger.

  3. Surprise surprise! Manny Villar said you can only run for president if you have Php1B. If this is true, why would anyone invest that big amount of money for a position that only pays 6 figures? And we all know these politicians are no fools!

  4. And yes, President Ed, I'm pretty sure you're going to win! And I bet you're even going to be re-elected another term. Because that's how things are in my beloved Republic of the Philippines.

    Nenengosyo na ang politika sa Pinas. Mas mabilis nga naman ang balik kesa sa franchise ng Jollibee or McDonalds (which, incidentally, one of the things I will do if I have a billion pesos).

    The saddest part is people don't seem to mind anymore. They no longer care.

    Kawawa naman ang bansa kong sinilangan...

  5. If you do just that, i am one of the activists you'll see on the streets rallying for you shouting:

    Oust Blogusvox! Oust Blogusvox.

    Yes, there are some people who don't mind this crazy scene at all, but there are also many who fight for justice when it comes to this... am one of them but i just don't air them in the streets. I'll make a fool of myself doing that, instead, I do what i think is right and encourage people to think and do what is right too, these are just small things but is worth doing to help Pilipinas kong mahal.

    As for the OFWs, ouch, this truth hurts...the country relies on you to save the economy... ginagamit lang niya kayo, hahaha....

    I understand though, if not for tha family you are feeding, bakit pa kayo magtatrabaho sa hindi niyo kabisadong lugar, di ba...

    However, that because it is, doesn't mean it should be.

  6. As much as I hope that you are, on the other hand, I'm glad you're not...

    otherwise, I'll call you "a clone", perhaps..?

  7. what's really sad for me is how easily people forget in such a short span of time!

  8. magtatayo naman ako ng mga prostitution den. para meron akong place to relax na sarili kong negosyo.


  9. RJ, just vote for me and I'll give you the Agriculture Department. : )

    ed v., the problem is we can't implement that kind of ruling in the Philippines because it will affect a lot of our "law makers". Just like the land reform is being "sit on" in congress.

    Ka Rolly, as the saying goes... "you catch a fish by its mouth". How are they goind to recoup their expenditures without resulting to graft?

    Nebz, people are already jaded with our political system. Besides their too busy looking where to get their next meal. : (

    sheng, ay sayang. I intend to give pa naman sayo ang Bureau of Printing. : )

    Ms.Loida, seriouly, if I got P1B and run for politics, I'll try to change every aspect of our society. From the pinoy mind-set to government "under the table" practices. It might not be a pretty picture.

    Mimi, true, the general populace seems to have a short memory span. : (

    ardyey, done, as long as it has my blessing, I get my monthly stipend at libre ako pag pumasok dyan. : )

  10. Hahaha! Ayos! Iboboto ko po kayo. o",)

  11. Hey, here in America, Arnold Schwarzenegger gave up aking movies to run our humble state.

    I suppose becoming a Billionaire woulkd be the ghreat precursor to thios ego-building proposition

  12. wow, 1B is a lot of money.

    now, where would the presidentiables get funding amounting to 1B? syempre kurakot, ano pa ba? :(

  13. I wish....I wish na maging billionaire ka na at magpapadual citizen ako para iboto kita hehehe and don't forget the "rubbish" kasi ang baho na ng Pinas sa airport palang hahaha

  14. 1billion talaga? tsk. ang mahal naman pala. no wonder kung bakit ganun din kalakas mangurakot ang mga pulitiko sa pinas...errrr...

  15. very well said my friend. totoo naman yan eh. talamak talaga ang graft and corruption sa gobyerno at walang magagawa ang mga otoridad natin dito.

    paging: ombudsman, pcgg, csc, atbp.

  16. I'll use my 1 billion pesos to create businesses in Manila that will help generate meaningful jobs for my countrymen.

    I will also use some of the money to help support and maintain (not build) public libraries out in the poorest provinces.

    To hell with the likes of Manny Villar, btw.

  17. hahaha.... this post is just perfect. it hits both the decent and the corrupt politicians. it takes one to think the two extremes but makes you wish someone who's trustworthy should be in that position.

  18. A perfect plan. Haha. That's why politicians are 'nagpapatayan' just to get the seat.

  19. Keith, Arnold is to old for "action" movie. He can't do drama because besides his funny accent, his a lousy actor. His got no choice but enter politics.

    Mari, ano pa ba? Sila-sila mismo ayaw tanggalin ang kanilang mga "pork barrel" dahil dyan.

    Sardonyx, ahh, that one more income producing idea... trash. Sabi nga e.. "may pera sa basura".

    Joshmarie, marami kasi silang pinapakain kaya kailangang kumita ng malaki.

    Lawstude, wala talagang magawa dahil yung mga kurap na yan ang nag lagay sa kanila sa pwesto.

    Panaderos, sige pards, sama ako sayo dyan.

    donG, haha, "decent politician" is an oxymoron.

    Ms.Jo, power is like a magnet. It attracts all sort of people. Wealth is just a by-product of it.

  20. as what miriam said all u need is 3 things:

    aiwa katir fulus!!!

    oi basta sa akin na ang PDEA or BFAD lol

  21. Kung walang P1 bilyon ang isang presidentiable, huwag na lang tumakbo. – Manny Villar

    Now that's being super yabang and a testament to the quality of people who become president in the country. So what now, he spends 100 million to bribe the voters and when he wins, babawiin nya, 10 times pa. Pathetic :(

  22. mightydacz, o sige, sayo ang BFAD basta iboto mo ako. ;: D

    bw, more like I'll puke with their kind of moral values. Papano ba nila babawiin yan kundi mangurakot. Kawawang inang bayan.

  23. If you do, sure I believed and I promise to vote for you... Not because of the P1B capacity but because of your knowledge on how the extraneous works. I am confident that if you know these well, then there's a big chance you know exactly how to exterminate it..

    Pls advise kelan at ng makauwi agad.. Hay naku, baka nga ikaw na ang pag-asa ng Pilipinas.. Wag kang magbiro marami na kaming boboto sa iyo.. Five na sa family ko what more sa family pa ng mga nag-comments. Keep it up Blogusvox..

  24. basta kunin mo akong kandidato sa pag ka- barangay tagay!

  25. i don't want another glutton for president!

    ha ha this is a funny post. but it made me sad at the same time. it is like the mirror of what is currently happening, and we are held helpless. when will we ever learn?

  26. Ms.Loida, hay salamat hindi ako mase-zero. At least now I'm got 6 votes (including RJ) guaranteed. : )

    ever, baranggay tagay? Sisiw yan. Gagawin kitang curator ng National Museum. : )

    bingskee, re: mirror. Indeed, that's what I'm trying to emphasize: The current sad state of our nation.

  27. Oh, I enjoyed reading this very much, although of course it presents a sad truth. That statement from Manny Villar kinda hits a nerve.

  28. Pareng Vox, I'm surprised to see you become a politician after being away for only 12 days!

    Omigosh! You'll never never ever get my vote and I will take a leave of absence from blogging (or I might double my blogging time) to campaign against you! Hahaha...unless you appoint me to a "juicy" position just like what you're gonna do with Dr. RJ...ahahaha, I will not change my stand...???

    This is the paradox of Philippine Elections and what's sad is that Filipinos seem unperturbed despite all these corruptions. Tsk tsk tsk...kawawang Pilipinas.

    At all cost, count me in as one of those who believes that there's still hope for the Philippines. Mabuhay ang Pilipinas!

  29. di kita iboboto Mr. Blogusvox if you're running.

    First and foremost, di maging safe and peaceful ang life mo and your family.

    Second, matetempt ka maging corrupt kasi saan you babawiin yung pera you na ginastos

    and Third, with the current senate and congressman, will the President have the power to make some really real change?

    Being a politician means you will have the power, the fame and yes, the glory - but there will be no peace, and real happiness.

  30. Kats,like that song lyric "kinda sad, funny feeling when you find yourself pretending..."

    NJ, how about if "I offer you something you can't refuse"? Will you change your mind. : )

    Kenjie, how did you knew all about this? Tumakbo ka na ba noon? : )

  31. True enough...

    With all the expenses in election campaign, a politician really needs a Billion if he wants to Run in a Presidential election.

    Calculating the terms (6 years) with it's 6-figures salary... no way a president-elect will be able to get back the amount he invested!

    Sana lang Kuya, isama mo ako sa gabinete mo. Tutulungan kitang bawiin ang isang bilyon... Tututukan ko ang Corporate Taxes baguhin natin ang percentage rate ng Income Tax! hehehehe!

  32. AZEL, huwag kang mag-alala, itatalaga kita sa main office ng BIR. : )

  33. yay, sige pipila ko baka sakaling malagay din ako sa komite haha