On Marriage

Foreword: Just in case my wife reads this; all anecdotes I told were work of fiction. Any similarity to people’s lives, both living and dead, was unintentional and purely coincidental. – BlogusVox

The Shrew

I love my wife and that’s my first mistake. But it’s not too late for you would-be-husbands out there. If you’re in love with your woman from head to toe – DON’T tell her you’ll love her till the end of infinity. The moment she knows, she’ll take advantage of you and exploit that weakness!

When we were younger, my wife’s “national pastime” was to irritate me to the max that I sometimes contemplate the idea of sending her back to her family. The only thing holding me back was the image of my departed father-in-law which keeps flashing in my mind. When my parents and I went to their residence to ask for my wife’s hand, her father wore this enigmatic half-grateful, half-relieved face. Later do I understood that his telling me in a subtly way – you asked for it, you got it. NO RETURN, NO EXCHANGE!

Wonder Woman

I believed my wife got “superpowers”. When I did something not to her liking, she simply looks at me and an invisible beam comes out of her eyes. It engulfed me, leaving me frozen - stone cold. The weird thing is it affects me but my daughter is immune to it. This leads me to suspect, maybe Bea got superpowers too. It’s not easy living among “X-men”.

I Don’t Have ESP

My wife got this nasty habit of leaving her sentences hanging on air. She’ll say something like: “Kunin mo nga yan…” (not looking but pointing her finger in space) or “Dalhin mo nga ang ano sa kwan…” But what really gets my goat is when she opens a conversation and in mid-sentence expects me to continue, like:

Wife: Totoo ba yung nangyari?

Me   : Nang ano?

Wife : Dun sa kumpare mo nung nakaraang linggo.

Me   : Anong nangyari kay Pare?

Wife: Ano ka ba! Kumpare mo yan, ikaw dapat ang nakaka-alam!

I’m a trained engineer. I deal with details and specifics. I’m not clairvoyant! I DON’T READ MINDS! Tell me what you want in a sentence that contains a subject and a predicate and I’ll comply!

When the conversation comes to this point, she’ll just look at me innocently and smiles knowingly, as if expecting this kind of reaction from someone “crazy”. And it’s true. That kind of “look” really drives me nuts! 

Read Between the Lines

When you received a text message or email from your wife that goes something like:

“Hon, if you’re not busy and you got time, please pass by the supermarket and buy the following…”

Remember, how ever polite and solicitous this maybe, it is NOT A REQUEST. It’s an ORDER! Discard whatever you previously planned and set this as your TOP PRIORITY. Prepare a valid reason if you miss one item from her list if you don’t want to be ZAP by her “laser-eye”.  

When shopping for something and she says: “Hon, anong gusto mo? Ito?”

She’s not asking your opinion. She already decided what to buy and all she wants is you concur. But be careful; don’t give your “nod” all the time. Find a way to distance yourself if things get “critical”. Let her decide alone because the moment something goes wrong with the merchandise - its YOUR FAULT, because YOU CHOOSE IT!

Marriage is teamwork. In order for it to work, both of you should have a “say” on any decision you both make. That means, when she “suggests” you “agree”.

Now that you know the difference between the sexes and you got your “pointers”, go out there and make her happy!